Monday, May 9, 2011

No drama for us thank you...

What do we want for our daughters? We want them to be happy, right? Yeah, well that's easier said than done! With girls comes drama and drama can either be fueled or quashed. Created or not created. Its a choice. It's a choice that we as mothers have to make, and we have to make the choice wisely. If we don't, we can be sure that our children will create drama in their own lives and ultimately pay the price of being more unhappy than happy. Drama is created when you focus on others, their reactions to you and essentially how much importance you put on their perception of you. At the age of 6, it's easy to be blissfully unaware. At the age of 14, it's not so easy as I found out this morning...

My 14 year old got a raw deal. She got me as a young mother, one who was still trying to find her place in the world, whether it be as an employee in the workplace, as a wife, as a daughter or simply as her mother. She saw me struggle with created drama. She saw me get upset over other people and probably even heard me go on and on about my own drama - more than her little ears should have ever heard. 

Enter, her drama. The one where my heart breaks for her, the one where I wish I could make it all just go away. Wishing will get me nowhere, so now I am working very hard to undo all that she learnt from me. If she creates drama, I make a point of showing her that there was never any to begin with, if it is in fact the case.  Where there is drama, I advise her on how to deal with it and move on. I also enforce the: 'we do not create problems, we solve them' mantra. You see, I don't want her focusing on other people 'stuff'; I'd rather she focussed on herself. I want her to be happy and be still within herself, and most importantly to never be a victim.  Going around with the 'poor me' aura is not an option.

The truth is though, that I'm still trying to get there myself and I have made great progress over the years. So maybe this ongoing journey is one that we take together. Me leading her, and helping her skip some the hurdles I went through (as opposed to jumped over). How cool is that? My daughters make me a better person and I am so grateful for that!

As for my baby? Lucky her! She has both a continuously improved mother and a fantastic sister to take her through the maze that is female drama....but lets hope not just yet. 

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