Friday, May 27, 2011

Well I didn't see that coming, but I'm glad it did!

Now that my darling daughter is on the mend, we went out for lunch in our local coffee shop today. She enjoyed every minute of it and didn't want to leave, so we were there for a good hour. While she coloured and nibbled on her toasted sandwich, I drank my coffee and enjoyed just being out and about. 

My daughter was oblivious to what was going on around her but I wasn't. At the table next to us were two  of the most hateful women I've ever heard in my life! They sat there tearing everyone they knew apart! From how this person dressed, that one spent her money and how another decorated her house. 'She's this, she's that, she's the other'. It was revolting! How could two people agree to be so bitchy about everyone they knew? And from what I was hearing, they were definitely talking about their so called 'friends'. 

I'm sure we all meet people like this in our lives but it really got me thinking. Have I ever been guilty of this? Well I can't say that I haven't, but after hearing these women and how ugly it made them to me as people, I will definitely be making a conscious effort not to get dragged into that sort of conversation again. As I keep telling my children, if you have nothing nice or constructive to say, say nothing at all! Bitching for the sake of it and seeing bad in people where it doesn't really exist is pathetic, not to mention born out of insecurity and sheer jealousy! If you are more concerned about how others live their lives and you sit in judgement of them, you are simply showing up the worst in yourself. 

I have to say, I am grateful to have witnessed this today in such a shockingly obvious way. I have always tried to be understanding and compassionate about other people, but now I am making a point of it being a  new way of life. Funny how life put me in a voyeur situation today that evoked real emotion for me. I am grateful for it. I get to be a better person going forward and, at the end of the day, isn't that what we should all be striving for? Looking at ourselves for self improvement and not looking at others and ripping them apart to make ourselves feel better? 

If it strikes a cord with you, you are more than welcome to join me in this shift of consciousness....

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Start spreading the news....

So my daughter is on day 9 post-op tonsillectomy and she has had a fairly rough ride. She developed an infection which led to her taking antibiotics, she then developed sores in her mouth which prevented her from eating, and THEN got a stomach bug. Needless to say she has been more than fed up and my heart has been breaking for her everyday. The last week has consisted of her lying miserably on the couch and me tending to her every need. Oh, and if that makes me sound great, well don't get too excited, I'm not. I did the best I could within my non-perfect human abilities. There have been moments where I wanted to pull my hair out, where I wanted to sit on the floor and cry and other moments where my child managed to eat a quarter of a piece of toast, and all I wanted to do was dance with pure joy because of her success. It's been tough, but the good news is that today she is better, better than she has been in 10 days. I think my fabulously brave little girl  has finally turned the corner. Pure joy, what a gorgeous feeling!

I've had about 5 hours out of my house in the last week, and when I have been out, it was simply to fulfill obligations that were in no way for enjoyment purposes - bar a quick cup of coffee with my coffee buddy in the middle of it all; thanks my friend! Whatever you do though, don't get me wrong, I couldn't have been anywhere else and I wouldn't have wanted to be either!

So I sit here, mid morning, in my pyjamas - my fashion statement of the week - wanting to impart some deep revelation I've had or some meaningful lesson I've learned. The best I can come up with is this: sometimes life stops you in your tracks and you have to do the best you can without completely losing the plot. Your joys come from the smallest things, like a bite out of a piece of toast and your prayers become more frequent than they have been in the longest of times.

Finally, today is a good day. My daughter is getting better and, as I type this, she is singing in the background  for the first time since this ordeal began! Pure bliss for my ears! Tonight I am going out for some well deserved R&R with a very good friend of mine. Wine and a chat. Nothing too exciting. Just a few drinks in our local pub. For me, it will be like getting off a plane from the depths of Africa and stepping into the always exciting New York City! 

'Start spreading the news....'

Friday, May 20, 2011

So happy to be 39.....

Did you know that when I look back on my life, there's no place I'd rather be then exactly where I am now? Can you believe that? No? Neither can I. How lucky for me!

What brought all this on? Well I haven't had a full night's sleep in 5 days, that's what! Talk about throw back to the baby days. I have no intention of ever going there again, although we are talking about getting a dog next month; but that's different. Dogs take 3 to 4 weeks to train, not 3 years!  This sleep deprivation thing has helped me to appreciate the wonderful stage I'm at in my life. My kids are still kids but can, for the most part, take care of themselves when it comes to their basic needs. My fabulous, not to mention hot, husband has a thriving career which he can focus on while I focus on our home and kids - and can I just say that I am blessed to be able to do it! My friends are plentiful and each one of them is fantastic in their own way. I have said no to drama and yes to being Zen - as much as that is possible for me. Let's face it, I can be quite of animated and extrovert. So let's just say Zen in my own way...

I'm not saying that I've achieved the ultimate in my life, or that nothing will ever change. I'm well aware that life can throw you curve balls, but for now, in this exact moment, sleep deprived or not, I am content. Content might sound boring for some, but I've had my fair share of drama in my life and I'm really not interested in any more, unless its positive drama of course, like winning the Lotto. Ooooh, now that would be dramatic! That I can handle and I welcome it with open arms.

By taking the time to blog about this to you, it has really allowed me to feel and reflect on how lucky I am. And no, it's not the sleep deprivation speaking, it's definitely me. Thanks for being there, whoever or wherever you may be!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

My World is Fantastic!

People can be so kind. It seems like an obvious statement to make but it's very easy to become cynical as you go though your daily life. Whether it be someone cutting you off in traffic, banging their trolley into yours in the supermarket without an apology or even the horrific stories you read in the newspapers. It all contributes to your ability to become cynical and your acceptance that we do live in a sad world. Not very upbeat on my part, eh? Well, it's realistic...

My outlook on 'reality' changed this week. My 6 year old had her tonsils out 2 days ago. 'And?' I hear you say 'What's the big deal? Thousands of people get their tonsils out every day. They've survived and they're not traumatised!' The fact is, it was and is a big deal for us! My expectation was that we were the only ones who saw it that way. Boy was I wrong! We have been my bombarded with generosity, good wishes, unbelievable consideration and kindness. 

Firstly the nurses were incredible! They were thoughtful and they really saw my child. To me, in the midst of everything going on in this country and the impact it's had on them, those nurses are true heroes! My daughter reckons only the best nurses get to work with children. I'd say she could be right! Okay, but a lot of you would say it's their job and for most of them, their vocation. Granted, but I would argue that they did go the extra mile.

Secondly, I'm beginning to wonder if my daughter got her tonsils out or is it Christmas? The amount of beautiful gifts is unreal! Books, dolls, puzzles, games, pen sets, toiletries, etc. Her friend made her a gorgeous 'get well soon' card and her whole class individually signed a card for her too! Her friends got their mothers to send her text messages on the day of the surgery, and I would say I've gone way over my monthly text allowance by simply replying to all the texts! Not to mention the ones from friends and family. When someone sends you a text and says they've been thinking of you and your daughter all day, it means a lot. Oh and lets not forget the well wishers around the world who managed to communicate with us via Facebook....even if it was them simply clicking the Like button when we updated our status with news of the surgery.

Finally, we are home now but the generosity and kindness continues. A friend of mine made a homemade three flavoured tiered jelly for our little patient. Another came to my door bearing a very strong barista coffee when I needed it the most. My daughter's pain relief needs in the middle of the night and the help she needs to get back to sleep require a lot of time and interrupted sleep; but as I said to a friend this morning, I'm happy to do it and wouldn't have it any other way.

We are surrounded by wonderful people in our community, our family and our friends The world we live in is a great one! So never mind the guy who cuts you off in traffic or the people who haven't a kind word for you. Who would want them anyway? Focus on the good in your life and keep the bad were it belongs: at arms length with no focus or wasted energy whatsoever. 

My world is fantastic and let that be a lesson to me....

Monday, May 9, 2011

No drama for us thank you...

What do we want for our daughters? We want them to be happy, right? Yeah, well that's easier said than done! With girls comes drama and drama can either be fueled or quashed. Created or not created. Its a choice. It's a choice that we as mothers have to make, and we have to make the choice wisely. If we don't, we can be sure that our children will create drama in their own lives and ultimately pay the price of being more unhappy than happy. Drama is created when you focus on others, their reactions to you and essentially how much importance you put on their perception of you. At the age of 6, it's easy to be blissfully unaware. At the age of 14, it's not so easy as I found out this morning...

My 14 year old got a raw deal. She got me as a young mother, one who was still trying to find her place in the world, whether it be as an employee in the workplace, as a wife, as a daughter or simply as her mother. She saw me struggle with created drama. She saw me get upset over other people and probably even heard me go on and on about my own drama - more than her little ears should have ever heard. 

Enter, her drama. The one where my heart breaks for her, the one where I wish I could make it all just go away. Wishing will get me nowhere, so now I am working very hard to undo all that she learnt from me. If she creates drama, I make a point of showing her that there was never any to begin with, if it is in fact the case.  Where there is drama, I advise her on how to deal with it and move on. I also enforce the: 'we do not create problems, we solve them' mantra. You see, I don't want her focusing on other people 'stuff'; I'd rather she focussed on herself. I want her to be happy and be still within herself, and most importantly to never be a victim.  Going around with the 'poor me' aura is not an option.

The truth is though, that I'm still trying to get there myself and I have made great progress over the years. So maybe this ongoing journey is one that we take together. Me leading her, and helping her skip some the hurdles I went through (as opposed to jumped over). How cool is that? My daughters make me a better person and I am so grateful for that!

As for my baby? Lucky her! She has both a continuously improved mother and a fantastic sister to take her through the maze that is female drama....but lets hope not just yet. 

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Never say never!

Just when you think you're too old for certain things, life turns around and shows you the exact opposite. Last week my husband and my eldest were chatting about going out to clubs and bars and socialising in general. I made a sweeping statement with the utmost conviction: 'I don't know how people can go home when the sun has already come up! I remember those days and I will NEVER do that again'.

Yes well, hmm...I did it yesterday morning. Less than a week after saying I wouldn't! The fact is that I meant what I said at the time and I believed it too. So how did I end up coming home at 5am in broad daylight? Well I was having fun, so much fun that I lost track of time and when my husband rang in a panic wondering where I was, I couldn't believe the time! Ooops, sorry Hon!

You see I have a friend, a new friend and a great friend as it turns out. We've known each other for a long time but only recently can I say that she is a friend and not an acquaintance. How wonderful! I made a new friend at the age of 39. You would think that as you get older it's harder to let people into your life and that the friends you have always had, are the only ones you will ever have. Apparently not so. 

'People come into your life at different times for different reasons' - a wise friend of mine once told me. She also told me that some people only pass through your life. Once their purpose has been served, whether it be to teach you something or to be the link to a new opportunity, they will then carry on their own journey down a different road.  BUT, some people are here to stay and that, in my opinion, is the case here.

The point? Never say never - I realised that in the early hours of yesterday morning. I also realised that you are never too old to have new friends come into your life. People that you can relate to, learn from and have genuine fun with!

Life is good, so enjoy it with loved ones & friends. Oh, and never ever say never!