So today was interesting... very interesting. While my youngest was on a play date, my eldest and I sat outside in our back garden, in the rare Irish sun, and chatted for quite a while. A rare moment of 'just us'. It turns out, my 14 year old is quite wise for her age and has some very interesting insights. She sees things quite clearly and, from what I found out today, sees right through people. I might just have to use her as vetting instrument in future!
Seriously though, we all look back at being 14 and think 'God, they were tough times' or 'what awful years'! The reality is that at 14 we are not clouded by political correctness, social obligations and the 'lets do what's best for everyone' attitude. When you are 14, you have strong opinions (right or wrong) and you yearn not to conform....and maybe, just maybe, that has its benefits.
People say that as you get older you become more of yourself. I wonder though? Do we not lose some of ourselves? Especially as mothers? Do we put ourselves aside and make decisions based on what is best for our children, even if its not best for ourselves? Definitely. It's inevitable....and if we don't and simply put ourselves first, regardless of the consequences, then we are judged for being failures as mothers altogether. The reality for this mum? The possible impact of her actions on her children really does come first - and for that I hold my head high.
I am 39 and I have lost some of myself for the sake of my children - but I am not sad or angry about any of it. So where does this becoming more of yourself as you get older come in? Well I guess I just have to wait and see. What I do know for absolute sure is that everything is here to teach you something, and if you can't see what it is, I recommend asking a 14 year old - if you have one lying around.
This is for you my wonderful, beautiful and oh so sensible child. Keep shooting straight from the hip and hold on to those oh so impressive instincts. They will guide you so well through your life journey. xx