An interesting thing has happened over the last few days. After my last blog entry I got some interesting feedback from both my husband and a very close friend of mine. My blog is becoming a bit of 'look what I'm up to' and maybe a little too positive and happy. Having taken on board the criticism and having thought about it properly, they are probably right. So I'm going to drop the 'my life is so wonderful and my life is so busy', because at the end of the day who cares anyway, right?
The fact is, my life is far from perfect. The fact is, my life will never be perfect. The fact is, neither will yours. So why do we all try and portray our lives as such? Well it's a control thing - I should know as I've always had a need to be in control of everything around me. A bit ridiculous when you think about it. What's more ridiculous is that I, of all people, think I can take control. My big sister died at the age of 14 when I was 10. That should have been my first clue that ultimately we have no control over what happens in our lives. Okay, maybe that's an overstatement too. We do control as much as we can but the trick is to let go where we can't. That is the ultimate and most difficult thing to do - if you are anything like me. I have learnt to let go instead of stress over things, which is a HUGE achievement for me. When I was 19, one of my closest friends used to say that if I had nothing to worry about, I'd be worried about that. He was right then, but he's not right today. You see as I get older I seem to be more trusting of life and it's bigger picture. I don't just see my own life, but my own life in the context of the majority of other people's lives in this ever so cruel world. I'm not talking about keeping up with the Jones', I'm talking about the women in Darfur or Afghanistan. So in that context, it's easy to see where the positivity and my appreciation comes from.
I would of course be lying if I said that small things, like the front of my house needing to be painted, don't grab my attention, because they do. I'm not Buddha on the hill seeing everything in perspective all the time, and far from it! I'm not saying that I go around as Miss Positivity from morning until night, because that would be a bold face lie. I'm grumpy, I lose my temper with my children, I argue with my husband and I even give out about people (although since those two horrible women in the café, I am making an effort not to).
My life is not perfect, I am not perfect, nor will it or will I ever be. What I will say is that my blog is a medium that I use to outline my life's progression, and when I'm in the space of writing my blog, I'm allowed to reflect and put my life into a rational perspective. The fact is, I am in the small percentage of women on this planet who can vote, who had the opportunity to get a full education, who is and never will be submissive to anyone else and who has the freedom of speech here and wherever I go. It took me a long time to realise this but it doesn't take long for me to forget it when I'm wrapped up in the minutiae of my life. I have however found a space where I can take a few minutes to reflect on my life, and for those few minutes, I see the good in it and I am grateful for it.
I can be grumpy, I do give out to my children, I do argue with my husband, I do curse at other drivers, I do have falling outs with people and I am nowhere near perfection and nor do I strive to be. If you can't say the same, well maybe we can find you a good doctor who may help you to come to terms with reality... If you can, then find a space to be grateful for everything!