Live as you mean to go on.....

I know, I know, it's been ages! I kind of lost my way, or I've kind of been pulled away! Life just gets busier and busier and it's been an adjustment having the girls back in school and, more specifically, having my eldest in a new school. With her change, came a brand new routine and that can be wearing; especially when you are in the final throws of your thirties!

I am well on my way and there's no turning back. In four months, my thirties will be a thing of the past. I'm sure all you under forties are saying 'oh no, that's awful', but I'm also pretty sure that those of you that are on the other side of forty are saying 'good riddance'! Why am I so sure? Simply because I'm beginning to believe it too! Bye bye trying to make everything perfect, because nothing is. Bye bye saying YES to everyone, because NO feels so much better. Bye bye worrying about what people think, because they are no better than me, or worse - for the most part anyway. And of course bye bye to drama - never liked you anyway. Big sigh - and it feels great!

With only four months to go to the inevitable forty, I decided to buy my dress for my birthday party, or at least look for one. I walked into a very expensive and exclusive shop, tried on two dresses and bought the second one I tried on! This is not like me. I am normally a bargain hunter, a high street shopper and I almost never buy anything full price, but today I did, and it felt great! Not only did I get the dress but I also got the shoes too....and may I say, they are simply fabulous! So, time to lose that stone I've put on and make sure I look nothing like my age on the day of my fortieth birthday! 

Live as you mean to go on. I finally am!

False Start? Who cares? Onwards and upwards we go....

Wow, I'm wiped out! Be careful of what you anticipate and dread because it could be worse than you thought! Two weeks ago, I was not looking forward to the start of the rat race but boy I had no idea what laid ahead! 

Last week my eldest went back to school, and as a result of a horrible group of girls and the poor management of her school, we decided to take her out and put her in what we hoped would be a better school. In 24 hours, she was withdrawn from one school, registered in another - new uniform, new books and a new start. Scary stuff! Would it be worth it? Would she adjust? How would we make her see it's for the best when deep down we were only 85% sure that it was for the best? Three school days on, and I can say it was worth it.  She is adjusting and it is definitely for the best. Looking back, it was meant to be. The new school only had one available place, with all her subject choices and, coincidentally, she is in the very same school her grandmother went to. Definitely worth the hassle, the money and the tears we all shed! 

Today, as I have the time to sit down and write this, I feel like a warrior Mum and that I am the mother I've always wanted to be.  The lesson I've learned and have taught my daughter is that there are horrible people and horrible situations that will walk in to your life, but you can always choose to walk away and put yourself in a better situation. It's about taking control of your life and choosing change despite human nature's urge to resist it.

It has been a dramatic week....imagine! Drama, and all this time I've been saying no to it! But do not get me wrong, that short burst of drama was the price paid to say NO to future drama. I have explained to my lovely 14 year old daughter that there will be horrible people in school, in work and every other area of her life. The point is, that negative people are rampant and, unfortunately for her, this is a lesson that she has to learn.

So my advice to her now that she can start again? First and foremost, be yourself when making new friends! When someone talks to you behind another person's back, you can be sure they will be talking behind your back too. When someone is befriending someone who you know they have viciously bitched about in the past...walk away as fast as you can and be sure that history will repeat itself. 

As for the people you leave behind? They may have had no interest when you're around but I guarantee they are itching to know everything about you now. They'll want to know how you're getting on, they will stalk you on-line (Oh, by the way, hi to all my online stalkers...I know you're out there!) and they will use any common social link they have to find out every detail of your new life and continue to be malicious when speaking of you. Sad sad little people....

This I know for sure, believe me! God bless those 39 years I have under my belt! Onwards and upwards my dear daughter and never ever look back at the rubbish you left behind!

On my marks, get set, GO!

And so the end is near.... No I'm not going to burst into Frank Sinatra's song, I'm just simply stating a fact. Less than a week to go and the kids are back to school! Was the summer good? You bet! Am I looking forward to next week.... hmm, not so sure!

We have my eldest who is in the final year of a three year secondary school program so she will be sitting very important exams in June and that's a great recipe for motherly stress! We also have my youngest's First Holy Communion and we live in Ireland so yeah, an Irish Communion!  This is no Canadian 'simplicity is the way forward' Communion where you wear the alter boy robes, make your communion, and go home. Nope!  Here we turn 7 and 8 year old girls into mini brides! By Christmas, all the mothers standing outside the school will be going on and on about their daughter's dress, whether their angel will be wearing a veil or not and how they have everything bought and can't wait for the day. 'Blah, blah, blah!'. Once January hits, everyone will be talking about the what the weather is predicted to be in May. Yes, I said MAY! And believe me, everyone is an expert! For those who haven't bought the dress by then, it will be then end of the world! Everyone will be going on about how there are NO dresses left in the country. Drama! And what do I say to drama? All together now: 'NO!'

So, am I looking forward to going back? You tell me... I mean, by next week, once we're back to school, people will be talking about their Christmas shopping (seriously, I know someone who already has two Christmas presents bought), and of course we are more than halfway to that 40th birthday mark. Yikes! Ok, I need to lie down....

There's a lot ahead and it seems like next week is the start line of a real life rat race. I better get my runners out. If you see me on my travels, cheer me on!  

Ok, on my marks, get set, GO!

You can't teach an old dog new tricks....or can you?

Yes, yes, yes, I'm still here! Not much going on in my outside world but on the inside it's been quite incredible. A few years back, the big craze was Eckart Tolle's book A New Earth, which taught us all to let go of the ego and live in the moment. Forget the past and not to focus too much on the future. Live in the now. It was something I thought was brilliant but never really knew how to apply it in my own life. You see my mind is constantly on the go and it is always very difficult to stay focussed on what is going on in the immediate present. Whether it be the sun shining, the trees swaying or the sound of a bus flying by. Very easy to read about and understand but applying it was never very easy, and to be honest very hard work. However recently I have seen a true example of someone being in the now and doing it with such ease and grace. Yes, my little four legged friend has taught me a lot. 

-'What???' I hear you say. 'Have you lost the plot?' 

-'Well, maybe....'

What I've observed is that my dog gets excited about the smallest things. Whether it be a plane flying overhead, someone walking through the door or the simplicity of someone noticing him. Whatever it may be, his tail wags faster than the speed of light and it is a delight to see. 

Puppies can get into trouble and discipline is necessary to have them socialised. Whether it be a reprimand for biting or for sneaking off with a paper receipt that he believes would be great to eat; it's important to correct him and show him right from wrong. Does he hold it against you? Nope. Does he see you coming and think 'Oh here's that woman who told me off for biting last night! What a bitch!' Nope. He is loyal, he is forgiving, he is joy in the now and he is an example to us all. 

I heard someone say once that holding grudges, living in the past or being forever angry with someone is like drinking poison and hoping that the person you are angry with gets poisoned. They don't. They move on, they find happiness and you end up in this dark and lonely head space.  Doesn't really make any sense now, does it? Bit too deep for a Sunday afternoon? Fair enough. The point is that my dog has taught me to live in the now and enjoy every minute of it because before you know it, the moment will pass....be it good or bad.

Who knew that a dog was going to teach this 39 year old something new and profound? Apparently you can teach an old dog new tricks....

Namaste

Ok, so there's hasn't been that much going on over the last few weeks. Life has kind of stood still since puppy has come along. I'm happy to say that we've made the necessary progress to get on with our normal everyday life, except this normal now involves a pooper scooper! This new normal has given me a new perspective on life and the joy of a having a dog that I never fully understood until this little creature came along.

So now that we are ok to get on with everyday life, it's the final Harry Potter movie for my 14 year old daughter, her friend and I tonight. This, even for this 39 year old, is HUGE! Mr. Potter and the gang have been part of our lives since my eldest was 6. My husband and I read the books with her, saw the movies in the cinema and bought all the movies at Christmas as they came out on DVD. They became a Christmas tradition in our house, and will probably always be. The final movie is the end of an era. Seems like a theme this week....

In Ireland we are behind on American television. Over the last few days, the last few Oprah's were aired on Irish television and this marks the end of an era for me. In 1986, when Oprah started, I was 14. Perfect age to be interested in watching her show. From then on, I never let go and I definitely grew up with her. What a privilege. She was there everyday like the mother I didn't have as a teenager and a growing woman. It may well be the end of an era but, in true Oprah style, I choose to view it as a new beginning. I've grown up, I've sorted through most of my issues and I have the skills to do it on my own. Thanks Oprah!

No sadness, just anticipation. If life can give us Oprah and JK Rowling and if we, as a people, strive to continuously improve, than I am happy to wait for whatever new marvels lay ahead. In the meantime, I stand still in this moment.

Namaste.

Hope you're excited too!

What a week it's been! Yes, the never say never has once again been fully applied to my life. If you would have told me five months ago that I'd be getting a dog soon, I would have rolled around the floor laughing in hysterics. Ok, so now I'm not laughing but I am loving this new experience!

My little puppy boy is 8 weeks old and he is hard work, but also a little bundle of joy. It's kind of like having a baby in the house. He's smart, inquisitive and very good, for the most part. He of course has a lot to learn, but he seems to be learning quickly.

I've seen more of my 14 year old in the last week than I have in the last month. Somehow her room is not as appealing as being downstairs with us and our new edition. My 6 year old's nose is a little bit out of joint but she does loves him dearly. He's inadvertently teaching her that you can't always be the centre of attention and that has to be a good lesson to learn early on in life.

I have to say I did a lot of research before getting the dog so that I'd know what to expect and also to give him the best start in his life. It's paid off and I am really enjoying this new experience. Again, here I am at 39 years of age making this big deal about turning 40 in my head - so much so that I felt compelled to blog about it, as you well know. The surprise is that I've learnt a hell of a lot in the last 5 months, I've had a lot of new experiences that I would never have believed would be part of my life, and my understanding of life seems to come a lot easier than it ever has. If this is in fact an indication of what the future holds than I am really excited about it!

Hope you're excited too!

Told you so!

Ever say something to someone and get a reaction that makes you go 'hmm, there's something not right here' but you can't put your finger on it? Then a few days later someone tells you something relevant to that person and a whole bunch of pennies drop? We all know that instance where your gut told you before your brain could process it, right? It happens all the time throughout our lives. I've always had it, just like everyone else, but never really knew how to recognise it or use it. In fact, I would go as far as saying that I was pretty dense when it came to using that 'sixth sense' and, as a result, it got me in a lot of sticky situations where blind trust was given and where my gut feeling was utterly ignored... but no more. 

Now I'm aware and I'm looking for it. This may make for a quieter me, if that's at all possible, and even a me who stands back and observes as opposed to jumping in feet first. Isn't that just amazing? It's like I've opened up a  gift that was always there but was always slightly out of my peripheral vision. It's just another thing that I marvel in now. First it was how life always works everything out and now, not only can I trust life, but I can trust my own intuition. It's like I've had eyes all my life, but only decided to open them at the age of 39.

So from now on when I get that feeling, I'll know, it's just a matter of time before all is revealed....and when it is, I'll say to myself: 'Told you so!'